Saturday, January 18, 2014

Worst. Blogger. Ever.

Seriously, you have poor taste in blogs.  Don't get me wrong, I will love it if anyone actually takes the time to read my stuff again; I appreciate it more than you know.  But I've seen blogs where people post every week.  Hell, some every single day.  Granted, those people need to get a goddamn job, but you have to at least applaud their dedication.

My last post was 26 months and 6 days ago.  I'm fucking awful at this.  If blogging were an Olympic sport, I'd be Richard Jewel.  

See?  How bout that awesome reference from '96?  I'm a little off my game.  And completely out of touch with my followers - both of you.  So let me catch you up a bit, because 'Ole Clusterfuck has gone through somewhat of a life upheaval over the last two years.

When I began this little on-line walk of shame, I was a bitter 30-something toiling away in a job he didn't understand (or much care for) in sunny Southern California.  I was drinking constantly.  My favorite pastime was lounging on my balcony, staring at the ocean while listening to melancholy music and smoking an uncomfortable amount of cigarettes.  I spent all my money on Blu-Rays, feasted on a diet that consisted mainly of bread and salt, and occasionally put my thoughts down on paper.  If my buzz compelled me.

I was a bit of a louse.  I approached my love life as if I was trying to win a contest.  Sure, I spent time with friends and family, but my most cherished hours were spent alone, watching films or reading books or simply staring into space, having angry thoughts and wondering why I hadn't found an lucrative outlet for the creative side of my brain.  Then I met a Girl.

Now, if you were following back then, you probably could see a bit of a difference in my attitude after that post.  My world view....softened.  Things started changing, not only inside me personally, but in the life that I had built around me.  Turns out, I didn't have the slightest fucking idea how to make myself happy.  Thankfully, I have managed not to screw things up with the one person who did.

So what now, two years, two months, and six days later?  Well, I'm still bitter.  Still 30-something.  Still drink more than I should.  Still spend way too much money on Blu-Rays.  Still could improve the old diet, still can't stand my job.  Yet for some reason, that same Pretty Girl still lets me call her mine.

And she and I have made a few minor changes.

Now I haven't smoked in over three years.
Now I live in Chicago.
Now I have a house.
Now I have two dogs.
Now things are just, better.

If you read this blog because you liked  my crankiness, my pessimism, my potty-mouth?  Fear not, it's all still there.  Only now, I have real joy in my life, to offset all that.  I'm hoping it makes me a little less, I don't know - one-note.

So check back in if you can.  I'll try and make it worth your time.  Happy Belated New Year.




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