Friday, August 26, 2011

She Likes Her Tundra Frozen

You may have noticed that I am not what you would call a pious man.  I'm not gonna lie, I left the Catholic church in which I was raised a long time ago.  And hell, I got out right before all that pervy priest man-boy-love that seemed to burst out in the late '90's.  Go me.

But that doesn't mean that I no longer have faith.  I do.  And it doesn't mean that I don't pray anymore - I do that as well, matter of fact.  I am a penitent man - to a deity who sees and knows all.  He is good and just.  And he performs miracles every Sunday - through the power of his enormous forehead.....

 Must be fuckin' football season...  

This is my religion.  This is my belief-system.  Don't you look down on my faith!  You pray to someone you've never seen or heard (other than in your head).  I pray to a man whose hand I've actually shook, and who sounds like....well, like a reject from Hee Haw.  But the brother can sling a spiral.

Last year, I got the season off to a bad start.  In fact, I may have brought a big old heaping pile of karma down on my team.  I should be ashamed of myself.

So how could I right the ship this year?  How does one bring balance to The Force that is the 2011 NFL regular season?

I'll tell ya how - you take it back to the source.  If you are going to practice your particular brand of pigskin theology, why not do it in the most respected church there is?

As it just so happens, my Girl is a shareholder.

Now, keep in mind, I am a Colts/Giants fan.  I am not a Packer fan.  But when you are in another man's house, you need to show some respect.  As soon as you get within ten blocks of the building above - you are reminded of college.  When you walked to the stadium, half-in-the-bag.  You joined complete strangers in singing fight songs and waving flags with pride.  It didn't matter what a person looked like or where they came from - as long as they were flashing your colors, they were family.  You get that feeling long before you even step foot in Vince's House, and you still feel it when you walk out.

So I have now been baptized.  My football sins have been forgiven, and to answer Hank William, Jr's question - you bet your ass I'm ready for some football!

It doesn't hurt that she looks awesome in green and gold.  

Have a good season.  Fuck the Patriots.

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