Saturday, April 23, 2011

It's Alive! ALIVE!!!!!

Have you watched the Sci-Fi Channel lately?  Or whatever they call it these days - Syfy?  That's so stupid - it looks like it should be written in balloon letters...


Oh, looks like they're way ahead of me...

But I'm getting off topic.  Despite their total lack of ingenuity when it comes to monikers, the 'Syfy' channel is currently putting out some of the greatest entertainment available to the public.  

Check this out:


YES!  From the people who brought you Mansquito and.....

...Piranhaconda!


It's genius, pure and simple.  I have now discovered my new mission in life - to write the next great Syfy Cheese-Fest.  I'm serious, it is taking over my life.  I can't sleep.  I mean, the possibilities are endless....

PLUS


GIRRAFFACUDA!

NO WAIT!

PLUS


OXTAPUS!!!!

Oh wait....no.  These ideas are terrible.  I have it - the one movie cheesefest to rule them all.  I want it to star Dean Cain and Lisa Loeb (they always throw in some one-hit-wonder 'musician').  They are a pair of freshly divorced anthropologists who are called in to investigate a series of horrible mutilations along the southern coast of Virginia.  The guy who played Cousin Larry on Perfect Strangers will be cast as the CEO of a large  evil corporation who illegally disposed of toxic sludge off the coast of Virgina Beach.  Because of his arrogance, the beach goers will be terrorized by none other than....

......ARACHNIPOTAMUS!!!!

**Artist's Rendering

Leave me alone, I've been drinking and I used a magic marker.  This is going to be the next Tremors, you just wait and see....


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Why I am....The Luckiest

I had a bad day today.  You know the type - something tiny, yet shitty, happens first thing in the morning (usually during your commute).  Then you get to work, and that tiny, shitty little thing apparently called all his buddies, and gave them all your work address, cause they keep showing up all day, making your very presence on this earth feel difficult.

I've said it a million times.  Throw a hostage situation, a school bus fire, or even the 2012 Mayan 'end of days' scenario at me, and I'm betting you won't even notice me break a sweat.  However: ensure that my favorite flavor of Gatorade isn't in stock at the AM/PM on the way to work?

I just may Lose. My. Shit.

Today was that day - every single little thing that could go wrong, went wrong.  The kind of day where you wonder if there is actually someone sitting on a cloud miles above your head, laughing his sick ass off and pulling your strings in every wrong direction.

I needed to leave the office.  And I had one thing that was going to make me breathe easier - I was going to buy Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One I on BluRay on my way home.

Here's the point where you should take the time to snicker all you want - cause I don't care.  I am an unabashed HP fan.  And when you have been looking forward to something for days, and have the kind of day I had today - it gives you something to barter with.  A way of telling yourself that this day will get better, as long as you get what you want in the end.





SOLD OUT EVERYWHERE.






Now, it wasn't the lack of Potter that sent me over the edge.  It was just the proverbial straw.  And I was angry.  So angry that I practically threw a tantrum when I got home.  I texted my girlfriend to let her know that I was home, but angry - and proceeded to vent my frustration by going on the longest run that I have been on since my college soccer days.  I got back to my apartment, covered in sweat, feeling about 100 years old.

And my girl emailed me, cause she was worried about me.  And despite how creepy it may have been for her to make them - she sent me these pictures:



Because she is EPIC.  And because she had a pretty good idea that they'd make me laugh.  

They did.  Out loud.  And I feel better now.

That's why I'm The Luckiest.
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