Thursday, March 10, 2011

"They're coming to get you, Barbara!"

Got my mail today, and inside the box was a my favorite kind of mail - a manila package envelope marked ''.  This week it was my Season One Blu-Ray of The Walking Dead.  Yup, I got an instant geek-boner, not gonna lie.

Re-watched the first episode.  I will tell you this - if there is ever a zombie-apocalypse, I am investing in two things, and two things only:

1.)  An electric car.

2.)  A sword.

Why?  Think about it.  Every goddamn zombie movie has that moment, where the hero's car is almost on 'E'.  He pulls slowly up to the deserted gas station - you can always hear the tires coming to a stop on the pavement, cause they need to remind us just how quiet it is.  TOO QUIET!

He tests the pump, just to be sure; always with this extreme look of disappointment on his face.  Of course there's no gas in the pump, Fucknut.  And I got more bad news for ya - chances are, there's a muthafuckin' zombie hanging out in the gas station bathroom.  And he's probably one of those gnarly ones whose mouth has deteriorated to the point where he has no lips - just a very large smile and gums.  So sad - the SOB attacks you where you're most vulnerable - on the shitter.

Apparently, most zombies, while no longer possessing higher brain functions, seem to retain their more white-trash sensibilities....

So an electric car - while you may not look cool, you will go farther in between fill-ups.  For once, the little metrosexual guy driving the Prius is king.

And the broad sword?  Think about it.  A gun runs out of bullets.  A bow and arrow can have an empty quill. Hell, even a sling shot is useless if you don't have a pebble.

But a broadsword?  Doesn't run out of shit - and it always has the power to do this:

In the immortal words of Mr. Tallahassee, "Time to nut up or shut up."

What would you bring, dear readers?


Laurnie said...


*uncorked said...

Laurnie stole my comment. Jerk.

Welcome to the Clusterf*ck said...

Rule #32: You have to appreciate the little things...."

Lola Lakely said...

Bill Murray.

I actually have a Zompie Apocalypse bag that I have filled with all of the essentials. But what's inside will remain my little secret.

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