Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day....

....makes my balls itch.

Ok, have you ever looked into the history of this silly, Hallmark holiday?  It's about St. Valentine, right, the Roman martyr?  Look it up, you'll find a rather suspect story about how St. Val was persecuted as a Christian by the Roman Emperor Claudius II, who tried and failed to get him to convert to Roman paganism (which would've saved his life).  He refused, and was executed - but not before apparently performing a miracle and healing a blind jailer's daughter.  The letter he wrote to her in his final minutes, professing his love to her, is believed to be the first valentine.

Oh yeah, well guess what?  There are no less than 14 martyred saints named Valentine in ancient Roman history.  And there seems to be a conflicting report about that the letter that he wrote to the jailer's daughter just before his death - the one signed, "From Your Valentine"?  He was begging for his frigging life, according to several historical accounts.  Whiny little bitch.

Why such animosity, you may ask?  How did I spend my Valentine's Day?  I spent it saying goodbye to my girl, who I spent the entire week with, trapped in my little apartment.  Enjoying each other on a very simple level.  Two people who dig each other and can find fun in the simplest of acts.  Like watching Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves for the 50th time (collectively) while drinking and eating leftovers.  Or laughing hysterically at my impression of the penguin Topper from Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

So today, on February 14th, the so-called 'Most Romantic Day of the Year'?  I had to put her on a plane and watch as she left Cali, headed back to Chi-Town.  So in honor of how I feel about this faux-liday:

Screw V-Day.  Miss you, Baby.


Laurnie said...

I'll take this as a response to my email

*uncorked said...

That last picture really kind of creeps me out.

Valentine's Day is dumb, whether you have a Valentine or not. But true, saying goodbye on Valentine's Day doesn't make it any better. Either way, it was a great week. Miss you too.

Lola Lakely said...

You do an impression of Topper? Um, can the three of us skype? Need to see this.

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