Friday, February 18, 2011

Look at This F*cking Clown.....

I don't have much in the way of fears.  Yeah, we've talked about my one true phobia before.  But I don't mind spiders or snakes.  Closed spaces don't make me break out in a cold sweat.  And I'm pretty much the opposite of those people who would rather kill themselves than speak in public.

I actually like to challenge the things that make my skin prickle.  Makes me feel like I'm in some semblance of control.  When I found out as a young kid that I had a paralyzing fear of heights?  I solved it by jumping out of a plane (it works, trust me).

Now, I'm not trying to convince all of you how tough I am.  As a matter of fact, I should have actually begun this post by saying, "I don't have much in the way of rational fears".

Spiders, heights, water - those are BOR-RING.  It's the irrational creepers that keep life spicy.  What do I mean?  Glad you asked.

My friend 'C' is reduced to jelly when she gets anywhere near a goose.
NOT THAT GOOSE!

Better.  

One of my ex-girlfriends would lose-her-shit when, in traffic, I stopped under an overpass on the freeway.  Because of possible earthquakes.

And the best one?  My 'V'?  Absolutely terrified of....Kevin Spacey.  The toughest woman that I know is plum terrified of Hopper from A Bug's Life.  Yup, back off fellas, she's all mine....

So what am I getting at?  Well, for a guy who likes to attack his fears head on, and steam full ahead when in situations that some might balk at?  There is one thing that reduces me to a puddle of goo:


JESUSCHRISTFUCKINGSHIT!!!  

(Panting.....)

Whew.  Sorry about that little outburst.  Didn't mean to offend you religious folk.  But dammit, he still gets to me.  I would like to introduce all of you to Pennywise.  He is the immaculately evil clown from Stephen King's IT.  Holy hell in a hallway, I hate this sonofabitch.  

Last night, like the sometimes self-loathing individual that I can be, I popped the movie in (although the book is far more terrifying), and settled in to finally get over this fear.  I mean, he's a fictitious demon circus performer.  I can beat this!  I am a responsible-ish, 33 year old man!

Yeah....no.  Made it through 23 minutes and 17 seconds.  And I literally checked under my bed before climbing into it.  That's the bullshit thing about fear - there's nothing rational about it. 

 Damn you, Pennywise, you win again.  This time.......


3 comments:

LC said...

I am 157% with you on this one. Clowns are FUCKED UP. Did V ever tell you about the time she was forced to take public transportation... while being harassed by a bee... and THEN have a CLOWN get aboard her train? I almost broke out into hives just hearing the story. Triple treat of triple treats.

middle child said...

I Like a man who is honest. My fear is robots,..don't ask. And Stephen King ROCKS!

Your Embracing Melody said...

I can feel where you're coming with this one, but there is a light at the end of this shitty tunnel. I had an experience with a clown that really flipped me, so the whole clown scene freaks me the Hell out. That being said, I sat down to get over that fear by watching IT with some college friends and it was lame. Yeah, I was kind of freaked out, but when the movie was over (15 hours later) I was over being scared of that damn clown because of how ridiculously lame he was.

As far as other clowns, no, not so much...but Him, yeah, he's weak.

So, finish the movie, see what happens.

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