I went and did it. Fucking idiot, six days ago I went and gave up my third favorite thing in the whole wide world.
I first lit up a cigarette 17 years ago. Jesus, my first smoke is almost old enough to vote. Now, the first time I had one where I didn't cough up a lung? I felt so damned cool, like James Dean. Like I should have sunglasses on all the time, a leather jacket, and ride a motorcycle.
Ok, let's be real - I was 16, I really didn't understand who James Dean was. Who was the bad boy of the early Nineties?
I felt like....Corey Feldman. Like I should have on a huge wrist watch, a brightly colored shirt with the collar popped, and ride a moped.
Jesus, my generation fucking blew.
I ain't terribly happy about the quitting. It is hands down my favorite pastime. Honestly, there are times when I would rather smoke a cigarette than say, receive oral. It has that much of a hold on my life. For you Non-Smokers, that probably sounds ridiculous. But you don't know what it's like to not have it anymore, how hard it is to let go.
This habit, it frames my day. It is usually one of the first things I do in the morning, with a cup of coffee. Ask Otis, he'll tell you:
A smoke allows me to reward myself for hard work three times a day, with a little break.
It goes perfect with whiskey over ice.
There is no better dessert after a good meal.
After sex? It gives you that moment to step outside and (depending on your performance) do your happy dance. I prefer the Cabbage Patch. Maybe the Bus Driver if she said my name enough times.
So what the hell am I doing??? This is something that I love! Something that helps me think, write, create - fuck, just be who I am. Give me one good goddamn reason to quit, I dare ya.
Alright, fine, I'll give you that one.
Sigh. And that one....
Ok, yeah, him too....
Laying it on a little thick, aren't you?
OK! I get it, point taken! No need to be a jerk about it....
Alright, I can be strong. This isn't only for me. This is for all of those whose company I want to be lucky enough to keep for years to come.
But why does it have to be so hard???