Saturday, October 2, 2010

HIDDEN GEMS: What's the Matter With You People?

If you hadn't noticed by now, I am kind of a film nut.  Well, let me rephrase - I am more like a film psycho serial-killer.  When it comes to movies, I am passionate, egotistical, selfish, and stubborn.  I will completely and totally judge you as a person by what your answer to the question, "What is your favorite film of all time?".

How far does the madness go?  Back in Indiana, I once went on a date with an incredibly hot brunette that had such an amazing body, I wanted to Scotch-Guard and save the imprint that her ass left on my shitty apartment couch.  I asked her the above question concerning her favorite flick.  Her response?  "OH MY GOD, the movie The Hand That Rocked the Cradle changed my LIFE!"

Needless to say, I never called her again.

So when I see that movies like The Blind Side make $250 million at the box office - yet gems like The Hurt Locker or The Road barely make enough to pay for craft services - it makes me angry.  It makes me feel like I should take to the streets, raving like a madman, and pelt people into submission with Sprees and Junior Mints until they leave the line for the latest Twilight turd and go see something intelligent, like Michael Douglas in Solitary Man.  By the way, I'd like to thank the other people that went to see that movie in the theater.  Both of you.  You rock.

Don't get me wrong; I am not one of those film school fucks who think that big-budget Hollywood films are shallow and evil.  Hell, I love watching the horrible Transformers movies on my pretty plasma, and will gladly accept the brain cells that Michael Bay has removed from my head over the years, as long as he keeps blowin' shit up good.

But I feel the need to make people aware of little films that the studios failed.  The little ones that made me laugh, cry, or think; but only because I have no life and spend the majority of my time (when not sleeping, drinking, or touching myself inappropriately) in Best Buy rifling through the 'Marked Down' DVDs.

So here it is - the first (of I'm sure to be, many) HIDDEN GEM:

Starring:  Brenda Blethyn, and of all people, Craig Ferguson
Directed by:  Nigel Cole
Running Time:  93 Little Minutes

Why?:  Cause any British movie about a newly-widowed, sweet old woman (with an amazing green thumb) who gets out of the debt that her philandering husband left behind by selling top-of-the-line weed to gangsters is a motherfucking must see in my book.

Check the trailer:


middle child said...

I love what you write. I love how you write. You make me laugh out loud and that isn't an easy thing to do. Peace.
Oh. Your word porkbard. Like you're the Bard of Pork or some such royalty?

*uncorked said...

We can add this to our movie-filled weekend. I haven't seen it so apparently something is wrong with me. Well, there's a lot wrong with me. But you know what I mean.

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