Friday, November 20, 2009

Turkey Time

In honor of Thanksgiving next week, I am grateful for - and humbled by - the following:

1.) People on Facebook who do NOT feel the need to come across as 'deep' and throw out schmaltzy, meaningless quotes about life, love, or happiness on a daily fucking basis

2.) The complete filmographies of Daniel-Day-Lewis and Bill Murray

3.) Girls who actually know how to give a good hand job

4.) #18, and his refusal to quit, no matter how many points down and how little time left on the clock. God bless you Peyton, you are the best QB and head coach in the NFL

5.) Attractive women with low expectations and/or daddy-issues

6.) Lem Motlow, Proprietor, Jack Daniel Distillery - for your incredible vision (and your fine product's effect on mine)

7.) The feeling that comes over me when my amazing little niece kisses my cheek and tells me that she loves her Uncle Anjew

8.) Wii Punch Out, the batting cages, and my writing, for giving me an outlet that keeps me from causing other people harm

9.) Those who were put on this planet to create incredible music - songs that inspire me to think, create, and sing at the top of my lungs on the freeway while passers-by stare at me like my car is on fire. I'm looking at you Eddie Vedder, Damien Rice, Jill Scott, Elliot Smith, John Legend, Layne Staley, and Ray LaMontagne, amongst others.

10.) People who treat servers, bartenders, and managers in restaurants with respect toward them as people and what they do.

11.) Those women that didn't get preggers or cause me to get itchy despite my aversion to condoms (may the Lord bless and keep you)

12.) Anyone who in any way contributes creatively to the show "Lost"

13.) People who join me in restrained laughter when a fat person falls down or a midget jumps up and down in anger

14.) Waking up from sleep on my back when I have morning wood

15.) Haley, Jack, Will, and Connor - I love you all very much. You make me a better man and uncle.....and keep me from being a Daddy. The world owes you.

16.) To those of you who have faith, and use it for inspiration, instead of a crutch. And for not pushing it on me, describing it to me, or pretty much bringing it up to me at any point in time

17.) Angelina Jolie's lips, Jessica Biel's ass, Emmanuel Chriqui's hair, Audrina Patridge's breasts, Eliza Dushku's legs, and Charlize Theron's eyes. Put it all together on one woman and....well, she'd probably look messed up but I would hit it every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

18.) For James and Elaine Derby, the most loving, understanding, influential, and patient individuals that have ever graced this planet. Everything that I am, that I've been, that I will strive to become - it is because of the two of you, and your guidance. Can't wait to see you for the holiday.

19.) To my 'Framily' - my friends who are, although not by blood, part of my family nontheless. You inspire me, help me grow, make me strong, make me laugh....and on occasion drive me bugfucking insane. I need all of these, so stick with me.

20.) And last but not least, for my early morning BM. Without you, the day cannot progress

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. Here's hoping you get to spend it with those people who feel like home.


Kim said...

I don't know if I like you a little more or a little less after reading this. Either way, it was very entertaining!

*uncorked said...

"11.) Those women that didn't get preggers or cause me to get itchy despite my aversion to condoms (may the Lord bless and keep you)"


Just came across you blog - love it. And seriously, I will ALWAYS laugh when fat people fall and midgets jump.

Belle said...

I second #1. As for #3, guys LIKE hand jobs?! You just rocked my world.

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